Other articles in this series describe the structure of Maid of Honor speeches. This article is centered on a single part of that structure, which is the anecdotes, or stories, that you want to tell about you and the bride.

It should be obvious, but let me make this perfectly clear. The wedding day is not about you, it’s about the bride.

Unfortunately, this reminder is necessary because so many such speeches end up featuring the wrong person. In the process of describing their relationships and exploits with the bride, many women talk more about themselves than the person they are supposed to be toasting.

There is a good reason why this happens, however.

As the Maid of Honor, you do not intentionally set out to steal the limelight from the bride. The things we remember about our experiences are naturally about our interactions with the people around us. So, this is what we tend to focus on.

Therefore, as you compose your maid of honor speech, it may be helpful to remind yourself, “It’s not about me.”

The best starting point is to make a list of stories to tell about the bride. Don’t worry how long the list is at first, you are just brainstorming.

After you have compiled that list, now you need to reduce the size of it. First, eliminate anything that could embarrass the bride. If you were in an intimate setting with only close friends, a story about the bride might not cause her any embarrassment. That same reminiscence told in front of friends and relatives, plus the friends and relatives of her new husband, might be humiliating.

Next, determine your favorite stories and cross off the rest. Examine each that remains. Unless it falls into one of these categories, eliminate it:

1. It is one of your fondest memories of you and the bride.
2. It tells how you met the bride.
3. It shows your close bond with the bride.
4. It describes the bride’s best qualities.

Chances are, your list is still too long, and now you must make the final cut. Pick the top story and make it the center of your speech. Ideally it will incorporate most if not all four of the categories above. If not, begin by briefly mentioning the circumstances of where or how you two met. Keep it under three sentences, then launch into a compact version of your top story about the bride.

There is no need to go into excruciating detail. Pick the most important points, and ask yourself, “Who is this about?” If it’s more about you than the bride, change your focus and make it about her.

Unless you have already covered the close bond you share and the bride’s best qualities, you should conclude this portion of your speech with a few words that summarize these.

The process of creating a fine perfume results in a concentrated essence. This is what you must do when refining your anecdotes for the Maid of Honor speech. Eliminate the filler, and cut right to the heart of the matter. After all, the heart is what matters on this special day.

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